My Son, the Model

Until about two Christmases ago, we still didn't have a digital camera. That's why I know that we missed a lot of photo ops while Kokoy was growing up. Of course, we had our trusty film camera but the convenience and inexpensiveness - in the long run - of digital media just can't be beat.

Still, despite the few times that Kokoy was in front of a camera, somehow, he had this natural knack for knowing what to do and how to look good. Just look at the following:

Check out the emotional range:

And, of course, the requisite distant gaze into nothingness of all models:

Although, he did have a pre-disposition at this time, to flash his butt to the world (we're not really sure why. perhaps, a political statement?):



Now, in his teens: (thankfully, no more butt flashing...yet)






BTW, his mom, Rox, is his agent. Ha! Ha!

Le dîner est servi

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food."

- - - George Bernard Shaw

Last December 24 was Mama's birthday and, it being the bisperas ng Pasko, the family had our traditional Christmas dinner as well. I guess we've all been gourmands of some sort, which is why in the past few years whenever there is a special occasion and the family decides not to dine out at some new resto, we each prepare a dish to lay on the dining table.

It doesn't matter if it's from a recipe book or something whipped up from scratch. Atypically, our taste buds savor most anything that isn't the familiar lutong-bahay Filipino fare. Not that we don't appreciate a scrumptious serving of grilled seafood, inihaw na baboy, kare-kare and ensaladang mangga.

Below, this is the pasta with sausage that my sister Princess brought.


Here, we have the potatoes with garlic and fish with almonds that my younger sister, Cris, prepared.


Below is the chicken with white sauce dish prepared by my brother Paolo's fiancee, Tin. They actually also prepared another super-delicious dish, stuffed tomatoes, as well as a to-die-for dessert. But I guess in my rush to eat them, I forgot to take photos.


Finally below we have the fresh veggie salad that Rox and I prepared.

You know You've Got a Teenager When...

Its amazing to see how things can change in the blink of an eye.

Just two years ago, my son, Francisco Gabriel or Kokoy, still wanted toys for Christmas. If it wasn't a PS2 or PSP, it would be some new fangled toy that was suddenly popular in school. He also would hate to receive clothes and would proceed to sulk in a corner whenever he'd excitedly rip off the wrapper from a gift, only to find out that he'd been given a t-shirt or pair of shorts.

Last year, it was no more toys. His desires changed to gadgets: an ipod or some sort of mp3 player and a cellphone.

This year, its a high-end cellphone with a decent (at least 2 mega-pixel) camera, bluetooth, music player and, preferably, clamshell style. And, finally, he WANTS clothes! Clothes! CLOTHES! Topman / Zara / Celio / Penshoppe / Bench / Springfield t-shirts, hoody jackets, jeans, cargo pants and shorts, havaianas slippers, vans sneakers, addidas rubbershoes, sunglasses, and the list goes on and on.

Already, he's urging me to get another laptop so that he can, no doubt, happily spend the day tapping, tapping, tapping the keys in YM, Multiply or what-have-you. And, OMG, he's already eyeing the family car and whispering that it's high time that we get a new one. He's also broached the idea of having a separate condo especially for his college years.

Ang kabataan nga naman...

Believe it Or Not

Yesterday, we were at the house in Fort and we had the usual kwentuhan that started from the late breakfast of Papa, Mama and Cris, through lunch and that lasted 'til early afternoon. My brother Paolo was there with his fiancee, Tin, as well.

What with the beginning of tele-babad exploits of our budding teenager, Francisco, and the recent participation of Paolo and Tin in the Discovery Weekend with their upcoming wedding next year, the topic of conversation drifted towards the fabled "blessing" (or "curse", depending on whether or not you're part of the skirt-wearing gender) of a Sotto / Sevilla Male as being dangerously matinik / ladies' man / chickboy.

Rox quickly recounted how Lola Grata had given her, shortly after we were wed, this "advice of a grandmother to a newly-wed granddaughter-in-law". Lola told her to "prepare" herself for possible heartache because of my high likelihood to go gallivanting. After all, the man she had married (me), was "Sotto na, Sevilla pa"!

Believe it Or Not!

Eulogy to My Lola: Grata Sotto Sevilla

DONI'S RESPONSE ON THE OCCASION OF LOLA GRATA'S FUNERAL MASS AT THE DELA STRADA CHURCH

JUNE 10, 2001

Magandang hapon po sa inyong lahat. Ako po ay si Doni Sevilla, anak ng kaisa-isang anak ni Lola Grata, na si Rene "Budging" Sevilla at isa sa apat na apo na mapalad na pinalaki sa kanlungan ni Lola. Mayroon na po akong asawa (isa pa lang) ang kabiyak ko po na maganda at very charming na si Rox. Kami po'y may isang anak, si Kokoy, that handsome young gentleman, na mahal na mahal namin, at isang malusog na batang nakikita niyong tumatakbo sa paligid-ligid natin.

Please allow me to say a few words about Lola and our Eucharistic celebration today on behalf of my family.

Siguro tulad ko, lahat tayo dito, mga kapamilya, kamag-anak o kaibigan ni Lola, ay may kanya-kanyang mga masasayang karanasan o nakakatuwang kuwento tungkol kay Lola. Si Lola 'yung unang PR consultant ko. Nung pinanganak pa lang nga ako sinabi na ni Lola na maitim daw ako, in contrast to Princess, dahil nasunog ang balat ko sa incubator, mangyari tatlong buwan ako doon after my premature birth. Underneath, tisoy talaga ako.

I'm sure, many of us, especially my cousins here, can also remember summers we'd spent with Lola in Marinduque.

Every summer, mayroon si Lolang kinokonduct na special activities for the youth, first-aid training o kaya bible study classes at kasama kami ni Princess, wala pa noon si Paolo at si Cris. Siempre, lagi kami ang "valedictorian" nung mga klaseng iyon.

Every summer, binibigyan din ako ni Lola ng isang pet, yung hayop para aalagaan ko. Una, isang tandang. Inalagaan ko iyon hanggang ipinasabong ko doon sa kapit-bahay na si Dr. Do kaya't namatay at naging fried-chicken. Susunod naman, binigyan ako ni Lola ng biik. Pinapaliguan ko iyon araw-araw. Di rin nagtagal, naging lechon de leche naman iyon. At ang huli, binigyan ako ni Lola ng igod, yung coconut crab. Aba, alam nyo ba na ginawa kong parang aso iyon - tinalian ko tapos pinapalakad ko doon sa taas sa sala. Pinapakain ko rin yon ng niyog at tapos pinapaliguan ko rin. Siempre, yun, ako na ang nagsabi kay Lola na kainin namin. Nung nakatira pa kami sa old San Juan naman, yung labahan namin sa likod ng bahay, ipina-convert ni Lola para maging isang malaking fish pond na pinuno namin ni Princess ng mga goldfish. Nung namatay na yung mga isda, naging swimming pool na namin yon.

Lola was always the quintessential grandmother, full of love, always giving, always caring - - traits she wanted to build up in us, her grandchildren which is why she always gave us something or someone to care for. Did you know that aside from our cousins, meron pa kaming "assigned" playmates. Oo, yung anak ng caretaker ng bahay sa Gasan, sina Tio Tomo at Tia Thelma, ang anak nilang babae at lalake ang mga designated na kalaro namin ni Princess.

As we were growing up in old San Juan, Lola and Daddy (as we called Lolo Cesar), were a part of many firsts in our lives: our first go-carts, first bicycles, first roller skates, first pasyal sa Fiesta Carnival, first pasyal sa Luneta, and first dates, boyfriends and girlfriends.

Flash forward to our adolescent years. Pasensiya na Princess, bibistuhin ko yung love life mo. Lola was always one of, if not the first "line of defense" sa bahay. Siempre, siya ang unang mangingilatis, magpipisil-pisil, kukurot-kurot. When Princess would have dates, Lola would talk to them and even tell them how she always wanted Princess to marry and have a family. Kaya siguro medyo natakot lahat, eh, akala nila ina-arrange na ni Lola ang marriage. Si Paolo, laging pinagdadasal ni Lola na maging pari. At si Cris naman, mahal na mahal din niya dahil sila ay naging roommates and bedmates until Cris was in high school.

Sa amin naman ni Rox, nung single pa kami, si Lola parati ang financier ko sa mga dates ko with Rox. Siempre, bilang financier, tinatanong niya at kinakamusta rin niya sa driver kung saan kami nagda-date ni Rox. Meron pa si Lolang mga "secret tests". Minsan, pinakita ni Lola kay Rox ang kanyang tsinelas na pudpod na pudpod na pero wala naman siyang sinabi. Eh, the following day, hindi ko alam, binili pala ni Rox si Lola ng tsinelas at ipinabigay sa akin kay Lola. Aba, pasado. Kinuwento niya ito sa amin nung kasal na kami. So, masayang-masaya si Lola when I married Rox. And when Rox was pregnant, si Lola ang kanyang whole-day companion sa bahay sa Greenhills. Of course, when Kokoy was born, yung legendary love and care ni Lola ay lalong ipinamalas niya. Hindi nga puwedeng pagsabihan si Kokoy. Kahit kaming magulang, hindi dapat pagalitan si Kokoy.

Such was Lola's presence in our lives that now we are so deeply saddened by her passing away not just for us but also for Lola, herself, because she was so good a grandmother, so good a mother, wife, tiya, kamag-anak, teacher, friend to us all. Limitless and without consolation would have been our sorrow, if the Lord had not given us eternal life. Our life would be pointless, as Lola's life would be pointless, if it ended with death. What benefit would there then be from virtue and good deed?

That reminds me, when we were still living in old San Juan and even in Greenhills, on several occasions we'd find Lola with perfect strangers in her room. Tinatawagan niya yung mga nasa TV, Tele-Aralan or sa mga Dept. of Agriculture yata iyon, to bring her books or educational materials. Siempre, kami, panick kami nang makita namin ang ibang mga tao sa kuwarto ni Lola.

But now I believe Lola was not naïve. I believe she was not gullible or innocent of the ways of the world. On the contrary, I believe she was, in truth, filled with the Holy Spirit and was living in God's perfection so much that her trust, love and compassion was on a higher level. Lola was not left behind by the world. It was the world that needed to catch up with Lola. We are taught in Scripture that, "ang mga taong di nagtataglay ng Espiritu ay ayaw tumanggap ng mga kaloob mula sa Espiritu ng Diyos. Para sa kanila, kahangalan ang mga iyon at di nila nauunawaan, sapagkat ang mga bagay na espiritual ay mauunawaan lamang sa paraang espiritual".

And so it is that we should all aspire to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I believe Lola was. For then, we will realize that our earthly life is a preparation for the future life, and this preparation ends with our death. "It is appointed unto man once to die, but after this the judgment" (Heb 9:27). Then a man leaves all his earthly cares; the body disintegrates, in order to rise anew at the Resurrection. Often this spiritual vision begins in the dying even before death, and while still seeing those around them and even speaking with them, they see what others do not see.

That was Lola. We should all be so blessed as Lola, na masasabi natin nang buong katapatan na hindi tayo bihag ng mundo. That we are not caught by earthly trappings, material wealth, power, ambition, human pride. That we may say to the Lord that we have been obedient and good stewards of His creation, His blessings bestowed on us and most of all, of His gift of Life and Love.

Through our prayers and remembrance today, we incorporate and affirm our dearly departed Lola Grata in the death and resurrection of Christ. We celebrate the tragedy of the physical death of Lola as being the very sign and victory of Christ's death and resurrection. And that is our unique vision of death - and life - as Christians, our vision that calls on the rest of the community to persevere more deeply and zealously in the baptismal way of dying and rising in Christ, so that in our last breaths we can become witnesses to the "glory of the Father".

So please join me and my family today, in this moment of celebration for Lola's oneness with god, and join us in this moment of gratitude and thankfulness for Lola Grata and the love she has left with all of us.

To all who grieved, no, celebrated, with us these past days up until today, we thank you sincerely. For all of you have offered prayers and Holy Masses for Lola, maraming salamat. And for all of you who have made Lola a part of your lives, you are and will always be a part of ours, too. We pray that God will always shine His light and shower His love and blessings in your lives. God bless you all and Good afternoon.

This is My Grandfather: Cesar Unson Sevilla

Whenever I want to wax sentimental about my childhood, I just sit and watch my son Kokoy whenever he plays with his “Papa-lo La Vista” or “Papa-lo Congre”, as he amusingly calls his grandfathers: Rene Sevilla, my dad, and Rolly de Castro, my father-in-law, differentiating each by where they live. Seeing them together, with “Papa-lo” Rene teaching Kokoy the basics of a golf swing, or “Papa-lo” Rolly teaching Kokoy to drive home a baseball in Bulacan, reminds me of that wondrous time in my life when we still had “Daddy”, as we fondly called him, with us. Towering at over six feet tall, handsome with a disarming killer smile, a booming baritone voice and a charmingly suave and debonair demeanor, Cesar Unson Sevilla was “Lolo Cesar” or “Tio Cesar” to most, a typical grandfather. But to us, he was “Daddy”, not simply because he was the father of all, but because he was also a father to all, most especially to me.

I have a picture that I will always treasure: a picture of me as a baby, being carried by Daddy on a stage, seemingly in front of an audience. I was born premature, underweight and with my physical faculties not entirely at their best. So there I was, small, bunched up like a ball, hair standing up, cross-eyed, not in the least an attractive sight. But there was Daddy, cradling me up close to him, lifting me high for the entire world to see, beaming with pride and a smile that said, “This is my grandson!”

This is only one of countless images of Daddy and me that I have kept alive in my heart because I’ve realized that it is because of that bond that Daddy forged with me that I have become a whole person.

The typical grandparent is always nurturing, sentimental, fawning over his or her grandchildren. But Daddy’s very fatherly care and more than special concern for me was, to me, beyond exception.

The novelist Victor Hugo put it best when he said, “There is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson.”

I remember how Daddy would always attend awarding ceremonies at the Ateneo Grade School whenever I would garner first or second honors to pin the medal on me and take me to the big Magnolia Ice Cream House on Aurora Boulevard afterwards for my favorite banana split or daredevil. Or how he would bring me to the COD Department Store in Cubao to buy a plastic toy car and wolf down a plate of that sumptuous pancit luglog at Pancit ng Taga-Malabon. Even in Daddy’s later years, when he was old and his eyes were weak, he would labor to drive me, and I know even my mom, to wherever we needed to go, even amidst a storm or blinding rain. Daddy never hesitated to give me what I asked from him, but thankfully, through his actions and gentle discipline, he taught me to ask for only what I needed.

“Grandchildren are the crown of old men…” Prov. 17:6

It wasn’t just me to whom Daddy gave that gift of a wonderful childhood. When I was a little boy, before Paolo and Cristina were born, it was just me and my older sister, Princess (she'd rather be called "Camille", her formal name, now). Together with Daddy, we were a team and he’d take us anywhere and everywhere. I honestly believe that, to Daddy, we were his greatest accomplishments the joys of his life because he wanted so much to give us all that he and life could offer.

Daddy was part of many “firsts” in our lives. Daddy took us to Arcegas Department Store to buy our first green and orange pedal-powered Go-Karts. Princess and I had days of fun, careening down the back street of our house on A.Rita St., in old San Juan with the neighborhood kids. Daddy also took us to the Patria Bicycle store on E.Rodriguez to buy our first bicycles, blue and red, that Princess and I, again, took to race around the neighborhood.

Daddy gave Princess and I our first roller skates and brought us regularly to that wooden skating rink (though it was more of a square) at the top of Fiesta Carnival, Cubao, where we would promptly give the floor a good beating. Afterwards, as a reward, Daddy would take us, bruised bums, skinned knees and all, to Ma Mon Luk along Aurora Boulevard to have a bowl of mami and steaming, hot siopao. Luneta, when it was still pristine and beautiful, was also sanctuary to Daddy and us, another one of our favorite weekend destinations, where we would go to awe spectators and promenade goers with our wobbly-kneed skating prowess.

Daddy would take us out of town too, riding around in that big Chevrolet Camaro sportscar – from a beach in Pangasinan where he bought me that one-of-a-kind Styrofoam kite plane, to Baguio where he would let Princess and I enjoy all the horseback-riding, boating and bicycling pleasure it could offer. Daddy even introduced us to one of our very first experiences of an authentic expression of cinematic art, in Baguio; a quaint little film called “Indian Summer”-- that turned out, to ours’ and Daddy’s surprise, to be one of those bomba films of the seventies. Later on, Daddy, the great film connoisseur that he was, always accompanied us to experience other enthralling cinema greats such as Frankenstein 3-D and Ben. Proving that they were hip beyond doubt, Daddy and Lola also took us to see Jaws at the Diamond theatre in Cubao and Grease at the Circle theatre in Quezon City when we were in our teens. Even when Daddy and Lola retired back to Marinduque, they remained very much a part of our growing years. Every summer, every Holy Week, we would go home to the province to the big ancestral house by the beach in Gasan or to that modern, cozy bungalow, also by the beach, in Boac. Daddy never failed to make those visits special, whether it was to school us in the intricacies of the pongs, kangs and chows of mah jong or to give Princess and I, at age twelve and thirteen, our very first driving lessons in the bright, yellow-orange jeep of the MARELCO.

“My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to accomplish His work” John 4:34

But what Daddy gave to me, and, I think, to his family most of all, was a shining example of a life that was worth living. He showed me the wisdom of embracing, with enthusiasm, the primary responsibilities of a father: having a will to obey God’s will as revealed in holy scripture; having work, to do not simply his job but also work in his home, church and community, and; having a woman to love.

For Daddy, Christ was a way of life and he showed it by being a great father and grandfather and husband to family. As a father-in-law to Mama, I know that he was always kind to her and treated her with the same respect he accorded Lola. I know that if Daddy were still alive, he would also approve of my marrying Rox, my wife who is so much like Lola in her ways. I know he would have been very pleased to have her as a granddaughter-in-law. When I think of my son Kokoy, it also is not without a tinge of sadness that I think about the amazing life experiences that they could have shared and celebrated together as great-grandfather and great-grandson. Daddy also touched other people with love and continued to do so, even when there were those who attacked him for their own selfish, political or personal interests. Daddy was both brother and friend most especially to the oppressed and needy. And he was a just and fair man. To this day, I would venture to say that there are people who can remember how Daddy fought for them or how Daddy made that positive difference in their lives.

For Daddy, work was all about service and dedication to others. In Marinduque, Daddy worked to bring the gains of electrical power to the people by forming its provincial rural electric cooperative, MARELCO, and overseeing the laying down of electrical power lines across the whole province. Daddy also worked to realize and live out the Christian faith in him and in others through ministry in the Cursillo, the Knights of Columbus, the Christian Family Movement, the Santo Cristo Parish in old San Juan and in our hometown community in Gasan. Along with Lola, I remember how he would teach catechism and principles of Christian living to destitute families from the barrios and barangays in old San Juan as well as in Marinduque. I know they were also both a presenting couple and facilitators to couples, young and old alike, at Marriage Encounter weekends in Marinduque.

And for Daddy, Family was the most sacred of institutions. Daddy knew how to love Lola and make her happy. I never heard anything but love and praise for Daddy from Lola. In their Golden Wedding Anniversary, I could sense that romance was still alive in Daddy even after celebrating fifty wonderful years with Lola. He never ever stopped being a gentleman to Lola. It always gave me that warm feeling inside to see Daddy walking with Lola on his arm or Daddy still sending letters to Lola when they had to be apart while he worked in Marinduque.

I would have wanted to say all these to Daddy, had he still been alive today. I’d let him know that just as it is said in scripture that “the glory of all sons are their fathers”, for me it is also true that the “glory of all grandsons are their grandfathers”.

So while I cannot, allow me to, at least, write this in tribute to him. I want everybody to know, and this I say with love and with pride: To many, This is who Cesar Unson Sevilla was. To us, This is who Cesar Unson Sevilla will always be.

This is my grandfather.

To the Young Men of 7-Pignatelli

Last October 2007, at the Feast of the Guardian Angels of the Ateneo Grade School, I was asked to share a little bit of history about life in the high school. For those bright, young men of 7-Pignatelli and for the whole Graduating Class of 2007 of the Ateneo Grade School for that matter, here is my short talk:

Good morning Mr. Angeles, co-parents, guests and gentlemen of 7-Pignatelli!

So, the question is: what was life like in Ateneo high school? And what can you young gentlemen expect?

Let me quote some poets of my time: there’s this band called “The The”, this British new music band, and in their album “Soul Mining”, they had a song “This is the Day” and the lines in the song go: “this is the day, your life will surely change. This is the day, when things fall into place.” And, truly, each and every day of your Ateneo hs life, will be a day that can change your life and a day when things fall into place. Why?

3 things. You know, life in Ateneo high school is all about 3, 3 basic necessities in life and the skills you will need for these 3 things, especially for such fine, young gentlemen, such as yourselves. I call these 3 things, the “3 G’s”. 3 G’s: Girls, Games and Grades, not necessarily in that order. I’m sure for many of the mothers here, it should be grades, games, then girls. O baka wala pa nga dapat yung girls. I can see some moms, medyo nakakunot na yung noo or shaking their head disapprovingly. Well, for some of my classmates, it was just girls-girls-girls, others games-games-games or grades-grades-grades. But truthfully, Ateneo hs life comes with these as a package-deal. Girls, Games and Grades.

Girls. Why girls? Why? Because admit it, you are prime commodities. Intelligent, good-looking, debonair, bolero, suave and sophisticated. Most of all, you’re Ateneans. Did I mention bolero na? Yes. You’re the cream of the crop! The best! And I’m not just saying that because we won last Thursday over la salle, and we’ll win again tomorrow (right?!) And win over UE in a surprise upset. In other words, you’re natural chick-magnets (and I beg the indulgence of all the ladies here for that term). But its true. And that’s why you must remember, “With Great Power, comes Great Responsibility”.

This is the time when you must really begin to be proper gentlemen, and begin learning how to interact and how to handle yourselves in the face of these beautiful, alluring and spell-binding creatures. There’ll be soirees, parties, dates, junior and senior proms.

This is when you’ll be labelled “torpe” or “chickboy” (pardon my terms again. These were the terms in my time).

For example, at Parties :

– Girls will usually be on one side of the room, torpes on the other, just talking among themselves (pumunta pa sila).

– Chickboys, of course, “nambabakod” (again this is a term we used). Know what a bakod is? A fence, so “binabakuran” nila yung magaganda.

– Guys with sisters – madaling magpakilala sa ibang girls, etc. So they qualified as chickboys kahit di naman gwapo. So yung guys dito na walang sisters, start sticking with your classmates who do.

This is the time when you learn how to present yourself to the ladies. In my time, we were lucky that there were no uniforms so everyday was “porma” day. Uso nun yung Lacoste na-longback or Ralph Lauren / Polo long-sleeves, Fiorucci jeans and Sebago penny loafers, Sperry top-siders boat shoes. We started talking about previously “taboo” topics for guys like soaps for the face, kung magpapa-derma, gel and braces.

And you may begin to hang-out in strategic places where, you know, like lions, you stalk your prey. In my time, one of these places was Greenhills – Shoppesville. Believe it or not, in my time, we had no Megamall, ATC, Glorietta, Trinoma. So a bunch of us would go, after school, to Shoppesville and scope the area for our prey. Noon, wala pang celphone noon, eh, so you’d have to learn discreet signals to call your classmates and tell them you spotted a pretty girl. Do you know the “reverse whistle”? It goes like this: (demonstrate - purse lips and suck in instead of blowing out air). So when you hear that, you know na may nakitang maganda so you’d have to rush to where your classmate is.

Often, you will get to meet your future wife in hs as many of my classmates did. And this is particular to Ateneo hs. Because you are in Ateneo hs, and especially if you intend to go to Ateneo college as well, the same girls you met in hs will be the same girls who go to Ateneo college. And that’s how it happens.

Marami pa akong pwedeng ikuwento, but let’s not treat this like the senate hearing on ZTE (I claim Executive Privilege).

So the 2^nd basic necessity, the 2^nd G is Games. I just term it as games but really, its more of freedom and independence that I’m talking about. I call it games because, you young gentlemen, will be playing, will be the players and you have to decide whether or not you’ll play by the rules.

What do I mean by this? You know, in the Ateneo, particularly in hs, we pride ourselves in being the greatest alaskadors. Know what “panga-nga-laska” is? Ok, teasing. You’ll be free to do what you want in hs, and a major thing to do in hs is mang-alaska. But believe me, at some point in time in hs, you’ll be on the receiving end of alaska. And if you don’t know how to handle pangangalaska now, then you better start learning - now.

Here I can tell you a story, a true, sad story, about my classmate. He was a pretty good guy. And we were in the semi-honors class so he was intelligent. Sad to say, he was the butt of jokes and insults from 1^st to 4^th year. After hs, he had to get psychiatric help. I think that was in 2^nd yr college, he passed away. No one wants to verify it but the conjecture of the class is that it was suicide.

So Games! That includes playing by the rules of Ateneo hs: the question of discipline and good conduct. (make gesture of scale) you have independence and freedom on one hand, discipline and good conduct in the other. Not just individually (you know, ma-po-poste ka, jug, merit-demerit, get called to the prefect of discipline’s office) but also as a class. Because, at least in my time, magkakasama kayo from 1^st to 4^th year – I think that’s still the way it is now.

You know my class was almost disbanded. Know why? Because we made it a point – a pact - to make at least one teacher cry, of course, a lady teacher, preferably, new. And we did: 1^st yr, 2^nd yr. But these were just subject area teachers. But in 3^rd year, it was our homeroom teacher. She was pretty and I think many in the class, in fact, had a crush on her. You know, but high school is high school. Walang awa. So we made her cry, and often. Hence, tinakot na kami ng prefect of discipline and natakot kami. We didn’t want to get disbanded. Know why? Kasi Jr. and Sr. Prom na nun. So we needed to stick together for all the contacts and relationships made and most of all the reputation our class had.

You know, pag party or soiree, may invitations pa yan that we had printed. These were underground things that the class would arrange with “sister” classes in Miriam (then Maryknoll), St.Scho, Poveda, Assumption.

We even had our own t-shirts and logo. (show sample).

So, going back to Games. (make gesture of scale again) independence and freedom or discipline and good conduct? What about fights? Much more than in gs, you’ll find cliques in hs. Not gangs, but just groupings:

– You know, the chickboys, who usually hang around with the jocks (if they’re not one and the same);

– The torpes who are sometimes, also the nerds but not always;

– The rockers or in my time punkistas;

– No good – either the recreational drug users, cutting class, doing badly academically, etc, etc.

– Gay population (but in my time, my batch only had about 5)

Of course, because of these cliques, there often would be fights. So Ateneo hs will be a test of friendships and individuality. Will you identify yourself with a group? Can you keep all as your friends? Will you lose yourself and be part of the herd? Or can you still remain an individual and yet peacefully co-exist amidst all the diversity?

Ok? So those are just some of the aspects of that 2^nd basic of Ateneo hs life.

3^rd G is Grades. And you know, there is nothing to say about grades in Ateneo hs except – you will be challenged and nothing but your best effort will be demanded of you.

But that is the Ateneo and you know that by now. The quest for academic excellence, the magis, the more is not new.

What may be new to you is that you may have to fight to the death for good grades.

When I was in 2^nd year hs, my whole class, and we were the semi-honors class which categorized us as being above-average to exceptional in math and english, was failing in algebra. The whole class was failing in algebra! It was so serious that we had to have all the parents meet altogether in one sitting with the teacher. You know, it was so funny, instead of all of us students, it was all out parents inside the classroom with the teacher. All of us students were outside the room, because the door was closed. And they had a dialogue. That didn’t help. But you know what? Later on, that teacher was removed. Why? Because he came pala to our classes, slightly drunk. That’s why pala laging slurred yung pagsalita niya and we couldn’t understand what he was teaching. The last straw was when he came to class, got irritated at us and then showed us that he had a gun under his shirt. But we fought for our grades, we wanted to learn, and we wanted to excel.

So those are the 3 G’s.

Of course, there is a 4^th G which is the core of your Ateneo experience and that’s not just in the hs but all throughout. And that is God. In hs, especially, hopefully, you will get to live and experience Days with the Lord. You know, in my time, “Days” was still done off-campus, you know, and amidst a cloak of secrecy. And so meeting “Kuya Jess” made it all the more special to us “Dazers” (that’s what you call those who have gone through Days with the Lord.

And, finally, you know, when you gentlemen are in hs, remember your section and your saint, Saint Joseph Mary Pignatelli, a jesuit who, with the suppression of jesuits in the late 1700s, saw his whole world collapse around him. But Joseph Pignatelli showed exceptional leadership, became the strength of thousands of others and saved and restored the Society of Jesus. This was a result of his deep life of prayer. And in Ateneo hs, that, a deep life of prayer is actually what you need most to deal with the 3 G’s.

So, bottomline: what is life in Ateneo hs and what can you look forward to?

Well, life in Ateneo hs is a test of character, really; and you can look forward to beginning to know who you are, who you want to be and who you can be. Just make sure you find a balance between the 3 G’s. And most of all, put the 4^th G at the core of everything you do in Ateneo hs.

Let me leave you with words of another famous poet of my time whom I’m sure most of your moms will recognize and agree with this poet when she said:

“High school life, oh my high school life,

Ev’ry memory kay ganda,

High school days, oh my high school days,

Are exciting, kay saya.”

So good luck gentlemen! Again, good morning to all.

Btw, this did not pass the CPO review and classification board so they are not legally liable for all that I said.

Subtract na lang

Me: Koy, paano ba mag-Multiply?
Kokoy: Eh, di, punta ka lang doon sa site.
Me: Basta mag-re-register lang?
Kokoy: Papa, sasali ka pa ba doon? (grimacing with disgust and incredulity)
Me: Sige na nga. 'Wag na.

Oh the travails of technology and teens!

Things Can Only Get Better

Rox and I got married on a crisp Saturday morning at 9 a.m. of February 6, 1993 at the San Agustin Church in Manila.

Just as we were getting up from having knelt on the pew in front of the blessed altar, after the final blessing of Fr. Mansebo, Fr. Katigbak and Fr. Cuerquis, I uttered the following words. I kid you not.

Doni: Tapos na ba?
Rox: Oo.
Doni: Nag "I do" na tayo? (with matching dazed and confused look)

Letter from a Dying Son, Husband, Father, Brother

My younger brother is getting married in March next year.

Sometime in 1999, I had the opportunity to write this letter; a letter meant, actually, for men, in general, who were reluctant to accept coming to terms with themselves and their relationship with God and their loved ones. It was a letter, in fact, that I would have written to MYSELF had things not changed as they had.

I have faith in my brother because I know he's a much better person than me. Still, for what its worth, here's what I wrote:

Letter from a Dying Son, Husband, Father and Brother,

March 25, 1999

Mahal na Kapatid,

I started writing this letter early last year but, somehow, never got to finish it -- not for lack of words, but, I think, because of the promptings of the Spirit. I think it is timely, though, because I wanted to share some thoughts with you on passion, death and resurrection.

I believe you have much stronger faith than I do. From what I know, mas relihioso ka at mas panatag ang pananampalataya sa Diyos. I think that you are much more involved in making real your faith and leading a prayerful life. And for that I am happy. Because faith, practiced faith lived on a day-to-day basis, is a recognition of our moral and spiritual emptiness and need. That’s why what I have to say will probably not be new to you. Just the same, dahil alam kong mahal mo ang pamilya mo and we may have experienced the same things, I know it is worth the effort.

I was never one to think that God was very involved in my life. Ever since childhood, mahina ang religious foundation ko kahit na galing ako sa Jesuit-run school. I used to think that everything would just happen as a logical consequence of the choices in life. Either you made the right choice or the wrong one. And chance had a lot to do with it: kung malas ka, malas; kung suwerte, ‘di mabuti. Especially in little things. I thought that God was only involved in big, important matters – iyong life-threatening lang, life-changing or miraculous kinds of situations. Tulad noong isinilang ang anak kong si Kokoy and my wife Rox almost died. Upon giving birth, she was given a 50:50 chance of survival due to internal hemorrhaging and had to undergo massive blood transfusion. Or in the last three months of 1996 when both Rox and I had no jobs and kada payday ay may utang na dapat bayaran (I had cash debts of over P500,000 at the time – which I am still paying up to now; hindi pa bilang doon ang car loan amortization, mga insurance at educational plan, groceries at pang-araw-araw na gastusin). Somehow, in those instances, we were also able to survive because God, with His power, took care of Rox (He healed her and made the bleeding stop) and moved others (biglang may magbabayad rin ng utang sa amin o may mabebenta kaming kung anong bagay) to help us.

Just last year, I was desperate to get rid of the car I used to have because of its poor performance, high maintenance costs and because I wanted to reduce my debts. However, resale value and demand for that car was very low and I would have to spend just to have it in good running condition prior to selling it. Early one morning, I was driving to work and I remember saying to myself that I would put an ad in the classifieds that day even if the car was not “ready” to be sold yet. Suddenly a speeding van crossed the intersection, crushed the whole front of the car, flipped in the air and landed on its side. I was not hurt, the other driver had a few scratches, but no case was filed. Higit pa doon, the car was a total wreck and I was able to claim for the full amount insured, definitely well above the second-hand market price and more than enough to pay for the debt on the car. When tragedies and trials that come our way are resolved and everything is put back in order, or when we receive blessings, even those in disguise, it is easy enough for us to see how God works in our lives.

Pero iyong mga maliliit na bagay didn’t matter to me and I saw no connection with God in those things. Dati, akala ko na ang paglalambing o ‘di kaya and sama ng loob ni Rox o ang pagkakaroon ng sunod-sunod na sakit ni Kokoy ay bunga lang ng mga maling pagkilos ng bawat isa sa amin. Everyday life was simply a hassle to go through that I could handle on my own and would be easy if I made the right, logical choices.

Lalong-lalo na, I saw no urgency in a lot of things. Kung mayroon akong nasaktan, nakaaway, naapi or kahit isiniwalang kibo, I didn’t think na kailangang makapag hingi ako ng paumanhin as soon as possible or magawan ko agad ng paraan para maayos. I always thought that there would be all the time in the world to make amends, na marami pang mga araw. Besides, what was one more day na magdusa ang kung sino man iyon, asawa ko man o anak o kaibigan o kamag-anak? Anyway, most of the time I was right, sa maling pag-aakala ko, so okay lang na wala akong gawin. Ako pa nga ang dapat hingian ng paumanhin.

But what I learned from the marriage encounter weekend I had and life in the renewal now is that everyday life isn’t simply a consequence of my choices. Life isn’t simply about me. Life is about God and trying to be with Him by living like Christ. Hindi ko sinasabing ako’y naging santo or a cross-waving, born-again zealot. I simply gained a better understanding of life and how to live it (I am crucified with Christ; But nevertheless I live; Yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” Gal. 2:20). Everything that happens in my life, big or small, past, present and future, and everyone in my life, from my wife and son hanggang doon sa nang hold-up sa akin ng kuwintas ko noong high school, is God’s way of drawing me closer to Him. Kung manalo ako sa Lotto or mawalan ako ng trabaho, siguradong magpapasalamat ako or magdadasal ako sa Kanya. But if Kokoy gets a Star in school or mag-away kami ni Rox, it’s also God’s way of wanting me to see Him in my son and my wife and understanding that that is an opportunity to get closer to Him. I was only ignorant before; tanga at mataas ang pride because I couldn’t or refused to see this.

One of the great tragedies of religious life today is that people fail to ever enter into a relationship with God that is born of the Holy Spirit because they are too lazy, indifferent, short-sighted, callous, proud, angry or scared. Iyon ang malungkot sa marami ngayon. Mayroon silang relihiyon, hindi relasyon. Mayroon silang paniniwala, hindi pananampalataya. Hindi ang pagbabahagi ng pag-ibig sa Diyos at sa kapwa ang nagpapatunay sa kanilang buhay spiritual kundi ang pagganap lang ng mga paulit-ulit at walang kabuluhang gawain, tradisyon at adhikain. Many a person lives today with only an intellectual belief in God and so are left with a religion, meaningless ceremonies and boring, repetitive, monotonous rituals, not a living relationship made real by expressions of love for God and brethren.

Kahit ang pagdalo sa marriage encounter weekend or life in the renewal, I thought, was nothing and had no meaning or bearing in my life. Only later did I understand that it wasn’t so; it wasn’t just another coincidence or man-made opportunity, specially for me. Ang Diyos na mismo ang nag-imbita. Masyado lang akong mayabang at maka-sarili to understand Who was really reaching out. I was also callous, nagbi-bingi-bingihan at siguro takot na ring madiskubre na medyo duwag pala ako; na hindi ko magampanan ang responsibilidad ko bilang ama at asawa, at higit sa lahat, anak ng Diyos, sa tamang paraan. Marami akong kasalanan, pagkukulang at maling pag-aakala.

I couldn’t face up to being a good and proper husband and father, always hiding behind and putting ahead my selfishness, my anger, my pride, my defensive reflexes. I always blamed my past, my parents, brother and sisters, other people like my boss or officemates, etc. I always hid behind other people, reasoning that they knew best -- “ang mga kaibigan ko, ganito ang ginagawa nila”, “sabi ni Papa at ni Mommy ganito dapat …”. I only realized later on that ang tanda-tanda ko na; dapat naman akong magpaka-lalake. God, through Christ, was not only a man; He was the ultimate man because He sacrificed His needs and put others ahead of Himself. It was time to stand on my own two feet, be a man for a change and find out that to be a husband and father is not to receive the comforts of life but to give those comforts to your loved ones; not to be served hand and foot but to serve with all your heart; not to order people around and be followed out of fear and hurt but to gain respect and cooperation with care and concern; and not to be the center of the family because you dictate it to be so, but because of the deep love that emanates from you and encompasses all.

I also learned that there is no time to waste. Of course, I don’t have to say that hindi natin hawak ang oras at haba ng buhay natin. Hindi ko alam kung natural sa Pilipino ang pagiging short-sighted o tanga lang talaga ako. But I never kept this in mind until now. And before, I thought that it didn’t matter whether I said “Sorry” today or tomorrow. Again, I was tanga, selfish and short-sighted. Time does not heal wounds. Everyday, wounds that are not healed are only buried by new hurts, pains, sorrows and anger. Imagine your child, going through each day in deep pain, with a wound that grows deeper and deeper. I don’t think any parent can stand to let that happen. Well, I learned that I am no different from that child. And my wife is no different from that child. As adults, we only learn to fight and defend ourselves so that we don’t get hurt. But, in truth, we are all children looking for love. It only gets complicated when we let our “adultness” get in the way. So why would I let a day pass with my wife hurting and in pain? There is an urgency in healing these wounds and expressing love rather than hate. Anyone with the broad wisdom and the littlest foresight will know that this is true. I always thought that hindi kapani-paniwala ang kabaitan ng lolo’t lola ko. It seemed that they were too good to be true and that they spoiled us, their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. They were even too good to each other. What I didn’t know is that they had the benefit of such wisdom. I am thankful that I don’t have to wait for years to gain such wisdom at matutong magpakumbaba, such being the sign of a true man. And more than wisdom, they were gifted with the Grace of God.

A month ago, Rox and I fought. I was so angry that I just didn’t want to speak with her. She tried to talk to me but I reasoned out that I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, even if she begged for us to talk. I also had the satisfaction of letting her hear the anger in my voice. That night, I had a dream. In my dream, Kokoy ran to me, crying to me in pain and in fear that he got bitten by a snake. Panic-stricken, I scooped him up in my arms and ran blindly from house to house, hospital to hospital, and drugstore to drugstore, pleading for anyone to help us, shouting for someone to give me medicine for my child. The minutes raced by furiously as I continued my search. All the while, Kokoy was weakening, begging, “Papa, tulungan mo ako…”. Frantically I continued looking, praying to God to heal Kokoy, tears flowing and sobbing heavily while running with all the speed and strength I could muster. But I couldn’t get any help. I couldn’t find any medicine. Suddenly I felt Kokoy go still and cold in my arms. All the trust and love Kokoy had put in me, for me to take care of him, was for naught. At that moment, I cried out in pain and anguish to our God. Even in a dream, it was so real, so painful that I thought I was going to curse God and rave at Him in anger. But to my surprise I found myself raising my hands to the heavens and giving praise and glory to God. I always thought that I could do anything or sacrifice anything for the Lord but only on the condition that it wouldn’t involve my family.

That morning I woke up in tears. I went to Rox and recounted to her my dream and apologized.

And that is one reason why I have written this letter to you as a Dying Son, Husband, Father and Brother. If there is one thing that I’ve taken to heart, it is that one must die to oneself to be able to truly love. As a Dying Husband, my wife is the most important person to me, and that above all, she is my closest link to Christ and so must be loved and cherished. As a Dying Father, my son is the most important person to me and I should give all I can, in partnership with my wife, to bring up my son in love and care and give him back to God in the beautiful state that he was given to me. And as a Dying Son and Brother, my parents, brother and sisters are the most important people to me and make up the little church that I should help build. I should then give myself in any way that I can, to help bring us all closer to God. Each day, not only must I “die” to my own myopic needs, pride and anger, but I also die in truth, coming one day closer to physical death. Keeping this in mind rids me of my short-sightedness and selfishness.

The other more important reason is because one day soon I hope that all families will choose to live life in the renewal. I am especially concerned because everywhere I see and feel a lot of pain within families. In my own family, there is so much healing that needs to be done, not only for each of my family but even for my family tree, down to Kokoy and generations beyond. There is so much that needs to be done to restore, repair and re-awaken our relationships with God not only on a personal basis but, more importantly, as one family.

I pray, then, that in our lifetime, we can unlearn to sing only at Mass and retreats; unlearn to seek the Lord only in times of worship or distress; unlearn to ask things so selfishly and so unfaithfully; unlearn to be ashamed of the Lord and not spread the Word of God; unlearn to cry to others in times of persecution when the Lord offers His shoulder to cry on; unlearn to make excuses when the Lord gives us opportunities to serve in His Name.

I pray that we learn that we are blessed with life, a gift we often just throw away; that God blessed us with talents to serve Him, but continue to turn away; learn that God has revealed His Word to us, but often do not gain in knowledge; learn that the Lord has spoken to us but our ears were often closed; that the Lord has shown His blessings to us, but our eyes were often turned away; that He has sent us servants to help bring us closer to Him, but we sat idly by as they were pushed away; that the Lord has heard our prayers and has answered them all.

All in all, I would just like to congratulate you for showing that you are a real man, not unlike Christ, and taking this first step in spending some time in this marriage encounter weekend. It is not so much to talk about your wife or your marriage; it is more for you and your wife to be able to spend time with God and to find out deeper truths about God in your life. Sabi ko nga, sa tingin ko ay mas matapang ka sa akin at napaninindigan mo ang iyong pagkalalake with seeming effortless ease. I know and am confident that maaasahan ka rin bilang isang anak, ama, asawa at kaibigan.

Past Redux

I wish I could go back to those summers in Marinduque, the ancestral province of the Sevillas and the Sottos, and that wonderland of my childhood.

Marinduque is a small, heart-shaped island off the southern coast of Manila.

Back then, there were still flights on Philippine Airlines (turbo-prop pa nga, and they still served cheese pimiento sandwiches with sickeningly sweet orange juice - probably julep or sunny orange) to the Island. Approaching for the landing, the plane would make a graceful turn and you'd get to see the short airstrip where, more often than not, there would be a stray goat ambling along then - ratatat! - well, there'd be kalderata galore for the airport security that night.

Taxiing into the front of the arrival area of the Gen. Arthur Sevilla Airport (named after one of my Lolos), in Barangay Masiga, we would usually see my beloved Lola Grata Sotto Sevilla, a classy and grand old Senora despite her short and stout frame, waving to us (in true Ms. Universe fashion) as we disembarked the plane and hopped-skipped-and-jumped down the rickety stairs. Besides Lola, we'd usually also see Maya (our childhood playmate) and either Aling Thelma (Maya's mother and long-time aide of Lola) or Mang Tomo (Maya's father, right-hand man of Lola and general all-around custodian of the ancestral home).

Quickly getting our baggage from the manually-driven carousel (since the plane had less than 30 passengers, i think), we'd then clamber into the yellow MARELCO (yes, you got that right - Marelco for Marinduque Electric Cooperative, which my sorely-missed and idolized grandfather, Cesar, or Daddy as we all called him, had established to give "life" and "light" to the Island) jeep and soon enough be on the road to Gasan, our hometown.

Gasan is a delightful and charming town, one of the 6 municipalities (the others being: Boac - the capital, Buenavista, Mogpog, Sta. Cruz and Torrijos). It is so small, at least as i remember it, so much so that we would normally ride our bicycles around town from end-to-end in like 20 minutes. Our ancestral home was right behind the munisipyo and so whenever there were town fiestas and dances or "bailes", we could usually just peep over the wall and watch the goings-on in the brightly-lit basketball court, without fear that Lola would scold us for staying out of the house 'til late.

The ancestral house was a stately, huge, two-story provincial home, with the always-cool and slightly damp silong below and a big kitchen in the back (where Lola would usually sit during the day, deftly orchestrating the cacophony made by the cooking crew into a harmonious, mouth-watering, sweet smelling symphony of gastronomic delight - more on the glorious food in a later post).

We, the grandchildren, had one big room all to ourselves, which had big windows bounded by the traditional capiz bintanas, facing the street. There were six beds in the room and, almost always, we would pick any one of the three closest to the windows. That way, at any moment we could simply look down, across the street to Dr. Do's pharmacy-drugstore, the palengke or even Lola Pacita Corral's house way over in front of the beach and see what was going on. Also, because the other three on the other side of the room were directly under the hole in the ceiling crawlspace, they never failed to spook me into imagining the aswang that lived there, waiting for nightfall.

Mornings would find us having a hearty breakfast of typical Filipino / Tagalog fare: suman and fruit or longganisa, tapa, eggs sunny-side up and sinangag. After which, it would be time to either hit the beach or ride about town on our bicycles to visit our cousins in Lola Nena and Lolo Mauro Corral's house, our other cousins in Lolo Rodrigo (Igo) Sotto's house - before they moved to the beachhouse in Bognuyan - or still the other cousins in Lola Pacita Corral's house.

Afternoons would find us lazing in bed, listening to our fave AM radio dramas: Beinte-Quatro Oras, Ruderman (don't think i spelled that right), Gulong ng Palad, Shimatar and, of course, Mr. Lonely). Aaah, the joys of not having cellphones, ipods, dvds and the internet, yet. With our trusty high-end (at the time) Sony cassette recorder, we'd then make our own radio dramas, complete with sound effects (i especially loved doing the horse galloping and neighing, the howling wind and storm or bagyo sounds). Or we'd spend the afternoon "na kinu-kutuhan" while reading the latest Hiwaga or Aliwan komiks. I don't know what it is about having the lice picked out of your hair and then squishing them with your thumbnails - crisp popping sound here - but in a time when spas where still unheard of, THIS was amazingly heavenly and therapeutic. The kids that we were, we even held contests as to who had more lice combed out onto the piece of bond paper on the floor. (I can just hear my younger sister Cris groaning ANO BAAAA!).

This was also the time when records where still the thing and, man, I had mad skills spinning Victor Wood's "Daddy Cool" and "Knock on Wood". It was either that or Nora Aunor's "Blue Hawaii". On a "feeling more cultured" day, we'd listen to Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Jesus Christ Superstar".

In the evenings, if it was Bingo Night, we'd walk a block and a half to Lola Pacita's house for the much-awaited event. Lola Pacita was another grand dame, slim, standing tall and always very staid, much like the Queen of England. In those nightly bingo games, she would sit at the head of a long dining table, hair all coiffed up into a silver-gray beehive, dressed, well, almost formally - at least to a kid like me then - and she would call out the letter-numbers in such a Grand manner that it almost felt like we should have been sipping wine and nibbling on goose liver patte and caviar instead of on mani and butong pakwan.

Now I know each generation has its own summer to remember. But somehow, I think summers like those in the '70s in Marinduque were just magical - far beyond today's pre-packaged, instant, tech-driven, resort-laden good times.

Well, those days are long gone but the memories are definitely not long lost.

One day soon, I'll take my wife Rox and my son Kokoy to that heart-shaped Island.